Guys, I’m gonna say something and it’s gonna make some of you roll your eyes, but that’s fine I can’t see it, just please continue to read. You, too may be able to relate.
I just came from my new counselor. She’s pretty great. This is only my second time seeing her but I feel like she really gets me and she seems to know which direction I need to go. It’s pretty wonderful, actually. I have already started to reach this turning point in my life, where I am beginning to realize why I feel the way I do and how I need to change some things to help me along on my journey. I think I have finally found a counselor that may help me.
Whenever you go to a counselor or at least the right counselor, she will sit there and analyze how and why you think the way that you do. She will take past experiences and current, put them together and spew out what she thinks may help you. At least the good ones. Usually, it is eye opening and it feels like “why didn’t I think of that?!” Although I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t been to many good ones, so this is nice and different for me.
So I have always thought that the reason I am down on myself and still have horrible self-esteem issues is because of how I felt as a child. I knew this but I could never figure out how to turn it around or how I could change my thought process. Well, today I really feel like she cracked the code (or at least opened the right door
The sad little girl inside me
to getting there one day). That was the kicker and that was what made me cry. She pretty much told me that she wants to figure out how she can get me to talk to the little girl inside, the girl that throws big parties to impress, that is always looking for ways to be approved of and feel loved, and I need to tell her that she is loved and she no longer needs to look, she has the love that she was always looking for and she is so worth the love that she has. Yeah, that made me break down and cry. She got it.
I broke down first of all because that little girl made me cry. When I started thinking about how any child could feel that way, mostly my own kids, and how my heart would hurt so bad if they ever felt that way. What was reassuring was that she reminded me that my kids would in fact not feel that way because they are so loved and Shannon and I are so present in their lives. We will have hard times but they will never have to search for that love like I did because it is right in front of them. Wow. She hit the nail on the fucking head.
I am allowed to set boundaries to protect my mental health. I am allowed to take time out for me and practice self-care without feeling guilty. I am allowed to just be me and not live the perfect fairy tale life to happiness. There is not one. No one has it and that’s okay.
You see, as she has found in her practice, those that have had rough childhoods generally tend to make up their fairy tale lifestyle that others have because their life is far from perfect. They go to other people’s houses and think that these other people are living the dream. It’s interesting because even though I don’t feel like my life was absolutely horrible, I did always look to making my life this fairytale in the future. I still do this to myself and I place extremely high standards on myself and Shannon, but I am getting much much better. It’s funny how someone can just figure you out like that. I mean, she will never be able to tell me exactly what I need to do in my life to make myself content. That is something I need to figure out for myself and even I may not know what that needs to be until the right time comes. That’s okay. What I love about her is that she is helping me to set up boundaries and even giving me suggestions for making them real life. It is refreshing. I often ask Shannon for opinions and expect him to be able to help me set these boundaries and sometimes even predict the future. Poor guy. He has a hot wife but man is she a lot to handle sometimes (I do not refer to myself as hot, that’s the hubby speaking.)
I have been struggling. Not consistently but more than I should be and I told myself that no matter what I needed to find the right counselor and get on board with taking care of me and helping to resolve some of my demons. It is just the beginning but I have to say it is refreshing.
Don’t be afraid to seek help. You deserve it. It does not make you weak. You are not only helping yourself but also your family. You would be surprised how much it helps you, when you find the right counselor and how much you thought you had figured out but you have just begun.
Love and hugs and as always thank you for following along on my journey.
The love I have been searching for is right here in front of me:
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